Is something that could perhaps follow in the footprint that their first T-shirt is making. Though … I’m pretty sure this footprint is a little more like a Paris Hilton boob than a Kim Kardashian butt cheek if size has anything to do with it.

The Web 2.0 Tee has a colored list of all the popular social networking sites beside their icons. You use a permanent marker to check off all the sites you belong to. Then you’re supposed to wear it out and let everyone know just how geeky you truly are. I’m not so sure that’s a ticket to touching a knocker, young male dweebs. Matter of fact that’s a bit more like stuffing your ticket down your throat, digesting it with a cup of mayo, pooping it out, dousing it in gasoline, torching it, then sprinkling the ashes over your shrine for that entirely unknown anime character with those ginormous mammary pillows. Ya know the shrine next to your Zelda soundtracks collection. Hey man, I performed the tests, and they resulted in a resounding “NO pass to the beaver base.” I’m no doctor but I wore a white lab coat and used a clip board so that makes it legit. Pshh, semantics.

The other day at the Macy’s Herald square in NYC, Jessica Simpson launched her new fashion line. Does the entire line boast only velvety pink pumps and shiny black bags? Because damn, I have to say, I’m impressed. Just when I thought your line would consist of paper clip bracelets and tissue box slippers. Perhaps one of those frilly beach mini dresses you frequent with some tuna/chicken dribbled on it, you come out with this. You didn’t even swallow the pen you “designed” all these products with? - whoa, whoa, or the ink?! You’re no ditz Jess! You’re a girl with a dream! Your dad must be so proud of you. Just like he is of your breasts? …What? Hey I wasn’t going to bring it up unless you did. Your father brings it up all the time? Uh, ew, gross man. Gimme a second while I plug my ears and - Rainbows and ponies! Rainbows and ponies! Rainbows and ponies! Nope, still there. Awesome visual Jess, thanks. Ugh.