The first knock-off light up saber is now on the market for anyone too antsy to wait on practicing their sabering skills with their wii controller. The thing is, Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, isn’t available until some time next year. So basically you’re practicing for nothing in my opinion, and this little toy ultimately becomes a short, thin, pathetically incapable dildo in the mean time. Awesome.

That dude teaching sabering lessons at the Jedi Academy must be thrilled though. I can’t imagine how fulfilled he must now feel at the end of the day when he goes home to his room in his aunts poorly lit attic and passes out onto his bed, which is a pile of dozens of stuffed ewoks. Aw.

My favorite part is how these “teachers” are self confessed “heroes”. I mean wielding a saber apparently ain’t that easy. Forget untying little old ladies from railroad tracks, or preventing head on collisions between 18 wheelers with your pinky. If you can wave your saber around like a freaken botard, you might as well wipe your ass with a cheese grater from now on; it couldn’t hurt you because you’re that bad-ass. I think wearing those yoda masks during sex is clearly screwing with these people’s oxygen intake and fucking their brains up. Ah well, you say tomato, I say retarded. As yoda would say, “happy, whatever makes you.” Right.