Like many of you out there, I went into a fit of rage upon seeing the following image teasing the cinematic abortion that is Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Papers went flying everywhere, dogs were thrown down flights of stairs, coffee was poured on my privates in an act of self-sacrifice … shit was just not pleasant for a few days.

The fury I felt was equivalent to the time I first witnessed someone wearing one of those “Ghetto Looney Tunes” t-shirts. I fucking wanted to slap the taste out of someone’s mouth, just like I did when I saw motherfucking Foghorn Leghorn wearing a Flavor Flav clock around his neck. The fuckbags that wore those abominable Looney Tunes shirts back in the early 90s should still be in concentration camps as far as I’m concerned. Yeah, concentrate on that gas coming out of the showerhead, motherfucker.

This kind of bastardization of our childhood can no longer be tolerated. (more…)