I shudder to think of America’s future after viewing what is being fed to them these days:

Good fucking god. My brain feels as if it was just plunged by motherfucking Zeke “the Plumber”. Is this some type of conspiracy hatched by countries like China and India in an attempt to dethrone us as a world power? It’s fucking ingenius and insidious. They let loose these “Wiggles” on our youth, hoping to devolve their brains into mashed potatoes. Then what are we left with? Cabbage-brained kids that have to wear smocks 24/7 so they don’t make a god damn mess of themselves?!

I know the shows we watched in our formative years like Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers — and heck, even fucking Pinwheel — at the very least helped us grow a little and understand the world around us. I mean, they taught us shit like MATH and ENGLISH, you know, the mommafucking cornerstones of our society! That hook-nosed bitch from Pinwheel may have haunted my dreams, but at least it built character! This Wiggles shit is just a total mind-fuck! LORD SAVE OUR SOULS!

In a recent article which focuses on pinning down various real causes to the phenomenon of Spontaneous Human Combustion, one Dr. D. J. Gee put the previous theories of Dr. Gavin Thurston to the test. Some of his end results:

“Gee conducted some experiments of his own. He learned that human fat, when melted in a crucible, would only burn at a temperature somewhere near 250 degrees centigrade.”

It’s so awesome to see we are finally getting serious about furthering along underdeveloped area’s of science. I’m sure we’re helping the world by burning human fat in crucibles and testing ghosts and other stuff about at serious as Matthew Perry’s acting career. Why don’t we do some testing on issues that truly affect humans, and speaking of Friends, why not test this: How did they get that dude Courtney Cox to play a chick so well on that lame-o show? Pure inexplicable genius. Now that is something that has boggled a few minds.

Source:

http://www.unexplainedstuff.com/Ghosts-and-Phantoms/Spontaneous-Human-Combustion-SHC.html