I don’t know what it is, but this is the second time I have picked on Jessica Simpson in here. Mean? Nah, I call it smart journalism folks. This time Jess isn’t out selling clothes, but shit I wish she were, because this time she’s trying to, ahem, “act” again. She plays the role of a, waaaiiit for it … SOLDIER. I haven’t seen Dukes of Hazard or that other flick she was in with Dane Dickbag Cook, but something tells me her roles are always exactly what they look like. “Come see this mov-JESSICA SIMPSON’S TITS.” Hmm. Well Jess, while your bodacious rack just may be a portal to the magical world of Narnia, this trailer has me even more convinced that you have the IQ of a thermos. Aw, don’t be sad Jess. I know going from playing a Catherine Bach rip off to the part of a Goldie Hawn hack was a big leap for you. An even bigger leap than the fact that Steve Gutenberg is … in this movie too? Steve Gutenberg in a movie? Wait no, it’s not bigger than that, sorry. But come on Jess, chin up, cheer up. Just turn sideways and, ahh, that’s a girl.