An oldie, but still a goodie.

Reminded about this video last night, I had to watch it again for the guarenteed laughs it brings.

Amongst the madness of people in Mobile, Alabama, my favorite could be the homeboy with the lead pipe for a flute, waiting on the street corner for the Leprechaun.

What might tops the original footage, is the rap video remix. And like a fine wine, the Leprechaun-Gimme da Gold rap video gets better with age.

Enjoy.

Remember “Date Movie” and “Epic Movie”? You know, the two movies written by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer that claim to be spoof movies but all they do is simply reenact famous scenes from other recent movies or recent pop culture moments and that’s the entire joke? Do you know those movies? Yeah? Well, guess fucking what? THEY’RE MAKING ANOTHER ONE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? HOW THE LIVING FUCK ARE FRIEDBERG AND SELTZER STILL BEING HIRED IN HOLLYWOOD? They have single-handedly ruined the spoof movie genre that produced such glorious titles like “Airplane!” and “The Naked Gun” trilogy. These two wrote “Spy Hard” back in ‘96, which was the movie that heralded the end of the golden age of spoof movies.

THE HOLLYWOOD ASSHOLE DECREES THAT ANYONE WHO KILLS JASON FRIEDBERG AND AARON SELTZER SHALL BE REWARDED WITH TWO GOATS, A SHEEP, TEN CHICKENS AND FIFTY GOLD COINS! No, don’t kill them. Just anyone who pays to see “Meet the Spartans.” These guys must be stopped.

…It’s that Daniel Day-Lewis is a complete badass when he sports a moustache and an old school American accent. Have you seen the trailer for “There Will Be Blood”? It’s like Bill the Butcher from “Gangs of New York” got even meaner! When Daniel Day-Lewis is in something, I watch it. The man can portray a ruthless psycho like no other. Hell, he was even kicking ass in “My Left Foot” and he had fucking cerebral palsy throughout the film! But have you seen the movie? He’s the meanest cerebral palsy guy ever! He starts a goddamn bar fight and all he can move is his fucking left foot! If he had a moustache and an American accent from, say, circa 1875 instead of an Irish accent muffled by paralyzed lips, “My Left Foot” would have been the greatest Daniel Day-Lewis vehicle ever.

Like many of you out there, I went into a fit of rage upon seeing the following image teasing the cinematic abortion that is Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Papers went flying everywhere, dogs were thrown down flights of stairs, coffee was poured on my privates in an act of self-sacrifice … shit was just not pleasant for a few days.

The fury I felt was equivalent to the time I first witnessed someone wearing one of those “Ghetto Looney Tunes” t-shirts. I fucking wanted to slap the taste out of someone’s mouth, just like I did when I saw motherfucking Foghorn Leghorn wearing a Flavor Flav clock around his neck. The fuckbags that wore those abominable Looney Tunes shirts back in the early 90s should still be in concentration camps as far as I’m concerned. Yeah, concentrate on that gas coming out of the showerhead, motherfucker.

This kind of bastardization of our childhood can no longer be tolerated. (more…)

We here at ZubazPants.com love us some film. Whether it’s a work of art or a cheap piece of shit, chances are we’ve seen it. In this space, over time, we’ll review some of our Favorite Characters of All-Time in no specific order.

TRAVIS BICKLE (Taxi Driver, 1976)

It would be easy to start this post off with the classic shot of a mohawked Bickle, bloodied and with his finger to his head in the form of a gun. But, that’s not the Bickle we love almost instantly in Martin Scorcese’s mid-70s masterpiece. It’s the Bickle above, “the walking contradiction.”
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Jamie Lynn Spears…Someone stuck it in…moved it around a little bit… and busted a nut inside.

 Simple as a that.  

And now we are about to add another Spears to the world. 

Is this Dweebus here in the picture the father? As of right now I would have to say no.

 Something is telling me to point my finger at this guy…yeah hes the one.

This is actually the moment of conception.

You know it, brah.  That would be cool, brah.  I’m so cool that my professional name is McG, brah.  Know why I’m saying “brah” all the time?  Because anyone who changes their name to fucking McG must be a douche who says “brah” a lot, brah.  What other reason could there be, brah?

Anyway, Daniel Larusso’s fight in the end?  I’m thinking that when he does the Crane Kick, everything freezes, the camera spins around him, and when he delivers the kick, Johnny goes flying THROUGH a brick wall, brah.  I want to thank John Woo for the cinematic trick that was new and exciting to Americans years ago.  Also, we should play “Smack My Bitch Up” by The Prodigy when he’s training with Mr. Miyagi, which should also include a street racing scene.  You know what I mean, brah?

Hello?  Hello?  Whatever, brah.  I’m gonna go drink a Mountain Dew and skydive.

I think I just shit my pants.

A remake of The Karate Kid?  Sure.  First off, we can only use the colors black, white and grey.  Trust me - it’s my thing.  It should also be snowing a lot.  Yeah, I know it’s set in Southern California, but I need snow to demonstrate the brooding and depression of Daniel Larusso.  As for him, let’s make him pale as possible.  Pale skin, dark black, messy hair and droopy eyes, but his eyes are a sickly blue, indicating he has hope in this dreary snow world.

He has a love interest?  I’ll cast my lady, Helena Bonham-Carter, as his love interest.  I’ll have her…let me think…ah I got it, look pale.  Pale and with lots of eye shadow so it looks like she hasn’t slept in ages.  I’ll also make her hair greenish-grey and she should wear rag-doll clothes.  Oh man, I’m on a roll here!

Mr. Miyagi should be a haggard monster man.  He drools out of his mouth a lot and sometimes his arm falls off and he has to reattach it.  The kids will love it and the goths will giggle at the macabre humor that I always fucking put in my movies.  OH!  How about we have a sequence where Daniel is training with friendly corpses that Miyagi summoned from the underworld?

Hello?  Hello?  Fuck you then.

“I once drove a rental car into the Hudson just to practice escaping.”