So this is the last season at Yankee Stadium. It’s great to be a part of, cause even if we suck the fans will still come for the gimmick year. Pride, Power, Pinstripes was last year’s saying. Lifes a Beach is this years motto.

Also part of my new contract entitles me to 30 DL days, gotta use them or lose them.

So what do I think fo the new guys?

They suck, all of them. Especially Morgan Ensberg.

First day he comes up I tell him to hold my bats for me during batting practice, and he fucking pretended not to speak to Spanish.

I said, “Hey amigo, chop chop, ¡Andale! ¡Andale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba!”

Then I realized I wasn’t speaking to Alberto Gonzales, the infield utility guy.

It was Morgan. What baseball player has that name anyway?

I thought I was getting a water girl when I saw that name on the roster text I got from D2J, Derek Jeter.

Aight I gotta go get ready to go out, Latroy Hawkins snuck a bottle into the clubhouse cause he heard the game might be rained out, so I’ve been wasted since noon.

Then I took a nap in the trainers room. Just told Girardi I was resting my knee, or quad, or whatever it was.

Before I go, check out this glossy photo I got of Shane Spencer from a few years back! Man he was so gay, Manny Ramirez sent this to me Opening Day.

Manny you so crazy.

Alex’s A-vice for the Week:

“Always swing for the homer, even if you fail, there’s always the next at-bat”

Chow

It is audio of Buzz Bissinger ranting and raving about !BLOGS! on the HBO show Costas Now, which featured Deadspin’s Will Leitch.

Bob Dylan’s “Positively 4th Street”plays beneath the flames.

The background clips show the evolution of mass media.

Not surprisingly, we used Wikipedia to hammer out the time line.

Get a glimpse into the eye of the devil at the end of this vid.

We’ve been talking about it for a long time.

At least since February.

That this year’s NBA playoffs would be the best in the history of the NBA.

We may end up being wrong, but so far it’s been fun to watch.

The Hornets are about to knock out the Mavericks, which many fans would consider an upset. I mean the Mavs traded a LOT to get Jason Kidd. Kidd all of a sudden looks like an Atari compared to Chris Paul.

Even though the Spurs are up 3-1, nobody should count the Suns out. Game 1 was historic and you can bet the Suns won’t go out easy, if they go out at all…..

Utah and the Lakers are keeping up their end of the bargain.

Now to the East.

I feel filthy watching the Cavs-Wiz. All the Wizards hate Lebron James and they like to physically abuse him every chance they get. I would just love to see Lebron go ape shit and slap the shit out of Deshawn Stevenson, but that’s why Lebron is so good, he’s not stupid like 90% of NBA players.

The Magic and finishing the Raptors this very minute.

And the Celtics might run into a little speed bump with the Hawks.

But how about those fucking 76′ers. Scaring the shit out the Pistons as we speak.

Win or loss, you have to feel good about yourself if your a Sixer fan. If it wasn’t for a fierce 2nd half the other night by Detroit, Philly was looking at a 3-1 lead.

They make the Pistons look old, and the beginning of the end for Detroit may have been pronounced these past few games.

Everybody has always said the first round was the best, and now it just got better.

Except those 2-headed commercials. Them are just plain ugly, especially the one with Jason Kidd and Chris Paul. Nastyville.

“I believe that a rivalry this intense can only be compared to the Athenians and the Spartans,” YES broadcaster Ken Singleton said with a stern expression on his face.

All right, Kenny.

But when YES carted this fat boy out to try and !AMP! up the rivalry, I got a little perturbed . . .

This was the result.

And we ain’t talking about Ian Kennedy’s “stuff.”

If it was Farnsworth getting jerked off, the whole bleachers would have gotten a Peter North-esque bath.

In Europe, that means, well…

Few scandals in recent years have provoked as much anger and dismay across Europe as the saga of Max Mosley, the overseer of grand prix motor racing who made tabloid news last weekend in a front-page exposé and accompanying Web video showing him in a sadomasochistic orgy with five supposed prostitutes in a London sex “dungeon.” But beyond the licentiousness of the episode, it was the suggestion of Nazi undertones in the role-playing during the session in a basement in London’s fashionable Chelsea district that led to demands for Mr. Mosley’s resignation as president of the Paris-based Federation Internationale de l’Automobile.

In a video the paper posted on the Internet but later removed, two of the women wore black-and-white striped robes in the style of prisoners’ uniforms. The video showed Mr. Mosley counting in German — “Eins! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Funf!” — as he used a leather strap to lash one of the women.

“She needs more of ze punishment!” he cried in German-accented English. One woman appeared to search his hair for lice while another called off items on an inspection list. Mr. Mosley, naked, was bound face-down and lashed more than 20 times.

Jesus Christ, Nazi sex orgies? Still, when Mosley submitted this mock-up of his new branding strategy for grand prix cars, it should have been a clue:

YES spotted him on April 7 at Yankee Stadium.

This kid has some pretty sweet seats above the dugout.

There’s no need to take any shots at the little guy, I mean I’m just jealous of his seats.

All I can say is: Whatever happened to the perve photographers zooming in on ass?

But, yeah, as of right now this is the face that will represent the last year of Yankee Stadium

Remember this mug.

Soon it will be seen on a million t-shirts and message boards around the world.

This is the day that changes this kid’s life.

Welcome to cult status, buddy!

Maybe you can be on VH1 in 2035 with the Turtles Kid.

Imagine Mr. Loria’s private parts being revealed cardboard-piece-by-piece!

¡Aye de Mi!

We got a nice little clip of Billy’s eloquent quote.

Then we took the liberties of making him into the greatest wool loading MC the world has ever seen.

Enjoy.

Keith said Jesus wanted the fucking humid air on his balls.

This is what else he had to say . . .

Fuck you, you fucking fuck of a fuck.

I’ll fuck your wife in the fucking dugout with Pedro’s half-cent-black-market fucking hamstring.

I’ll fucking brace myself on a fucking-a Willie’s big fucking-a clitoris. Maybe I’ll bring C.C. into the fucking dugout. Maybe I’ll show her what life will be like after her she is forced to be Milledge’s fucking Bang Bros. hoe.

Then I’ll fuck your sister.

I’ll tell Carols Delgado to fucking film it. Then I’ll tell him that all proceeds are going right to buying loads of fucking HGH for my fucking cock.

HANGING GOBBLER HERNANDEZ

Then I’ll fuck your fucking aunt.

I’ll get David Wright to fucking roll me cigarettes while I’m screwing her — that Virginia pussy knows how.

Then I’ll fucking treat my fucking cock to a nice fucking bath of Axe spray.

I’ll rub that shit on my dick till it don’t smell like your mom’s pussy.

Then I’ll fucking drink a Moretti, fuck your mom again and pull out my fucking brajole.

Then I’ll toss a fucking tray of lasagna in her gaping fucking pussy.

My dick has an equatorial temperature, so her box should be fucking cookin’.

I’ll take a fucking tray of lasagna out and crack open a bottle of Pinot.

Once it is done, I’ll sit down and eat with Ramon Castro.

Fuck you, I’m Keith Hernandez.