Shut up, it’s still A.M. in my fish bowl brain.

Yes there have been some huge blunders in the NBA. The most obvious is Sam Bowie being drafted over Michael Jordan, Wilt Chamberlain being dealt, and whoever thought it was a good idea to name their kid Dickey Simpkins.

But what about now? What about the past 15 years? How different would the NBA have be today if the Bulls decided not to trade Elton Brand, Ron Artest, and Brad Miller? And how about Dirk Nowitzki’s locks blowing in the Milwaukee wind. Instead the Bucks sent him to Dallas for Tractor Traylor. True story.

Chris Webber

The Magic thought that scowl would scare the kids

Chris Webber is still around today and pretty much any team can have him. But about 15 years ago the Orlando Magic drafted him and were ready to pair him with Shaquille O’Neal before swapping him with Anfernee “Penny” Hardaway.

Can you for a minute imagine the damage those two would have inflicted on a conference that included skinny Cavaliers, unlucky Celtics, and a Derrick Coleman lead Nets. Shaq and Webber vs. Mark Price and Danny Ferry. WOW! Can you say slaughter house?

Yes at the time of the trade it looked fair, I mean Penny and Shaq did reach the Finals once, but guards are a dime a dozen. Big guys that can score, board, and wear a headband are rare.

Webber was eventually traded from the Warriors to the Bullets who managed to also mess that up. But we won’t get into that since the Bullets no longer exist.

Jason Kidd

I don’t know what’s worse, the trade, or the hair.

Not too long ago Jason Kidd AND Steve Nash were on the same team. Yea I know, ridiculous. The Suns are notorious for finding hidden gems. Dan Majerle, Cedric Ceballos, and Shawn Marion.

What’s even more ridiculous is that they traded Kidd. What’s even more crazier than that, they got Stephon Marbury in return!

Kidd may have had his problems with wife beating, but on the court he was pimp slapping the competition. For a while the Suns had a pretty athletic roster that included Kidd, Marion, Hardaway, and Gugliotta.

Injuries ultimately cost them a chance to have a decent shot at winning any playoff series. But if they kept that core together, never parted with McDyess, and with Amare Stoudemire in the rear view mirror, you have a dam good squad.

It’s hard to argue though because Phoenix is one of the elite teams in the league right now. And more than likely would have beaten the Spurs this year had it not been for the refs having money on the series.

Kobe Bryant

This might be the only card ever of an NBA player wearing sunglasses in it. More reasons to hate Kobe

Kobe and the Lakers. Go together like Tommy Lee and an STD. The real question is though, would Kobe be this famous had he stayed with the Charlotte Hornets, the team that drafted Kobe?

Kobe was spoiled right off the bat when he said he will only play for the L.A. Lakers. The Hornets gave in and traded Kobe before he ever played a game for them. In return the Hornets aquired the fabulous Vlade Divac.

What is it with athletes these days? Demanding to play for a certain team. If i were the Hornets GM I would have kept him and told him to play or sit out. How great would that be if Kobe sat out his first 3 years?

The Hornets already had a pretty decent roster going with Anthony Mason, Glen Rice, and potentially Kobe. And if he stayed with the Hornets that whole thing in Denver never happens.

I mean who knows, maybe Mason would have kept Kobe in line. Maybe Kobe would rock the teal jersey like so many 7th grade girls rocked the Hornets Starter jackets. Maybe we would have actually like Kobe.

Yea right.

Roger Goodell — musing on the upcoming NFL season and the media hoopla surrounding Mike Vick’s penchant for poor pet ownership — explained that the league will remain a top dog.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell insisted Michael Vick-related news is not eclipsing enthusiasm about the game itself.

“I don’t think it’s overshadowing the season,” Goodell said Thursday after visiting with Detroit Lions coaches and players. “I think our fans are excited about football, but I understand the interest in the story.”

Yea, I agree. People won’t be put off — in the least — because, after all, we are watching 325 lb. men try and destroy each other. We, as Americans, live for this, Mr. Gooddell. Have no fear.

However, if that weren’t the case, and we were suddenly whipped up in a rash of 1960’s revolutionary spirit, Goddell’s words could be equated to the following situations.

Just fill in the blanks … “If the Michael Vick incident will have NO bearing on the NFL’s quest in global domination, then … __________”

• Katrina and the ghosts left behind will have NO bearing on the attendance at Mardi Gras.
• The Buffalo Bills overall poor attendance last season will have NO bearing on the team’s eventual westward move.
• Flavor Flav’s commercially driven masquerade on VH1 will have NO bearing on the opinions of original fans of Public Enemy.

• Ray Allen’s curious situation in Connecticut will have NO bearing on the public’s overall view of New England as a utopia.
• Watching a Phish (if they were still alive) show sober will have NO bearing on the enjoyment of the experience, especially watching Trey’s longing face during his solos.
• Prince’s future antics on stage will have NO bearing on a cooter that was nurtured and worn in during the 1980’s.
• Eric Mangini’s burgeoning star power will have NO bearing on how the New York media judges him in his sophomore season.

• John Sterling’s LSD trips in the 1960’s will continue to have NO bearing on his selection of nicknames for Yankee players.
• Suzyn Waldman’s bowling alley vagina will have NO bearing on her achieving climax.
• Indian Point’s prime location on the serene Hudson River will have NO bearing on the overall quality of life for river folk.
• Hugh Hefners’s flacid, vein cluttered penis will have NO bearing on him being able to please all those thirsty clits.
• Jay Mohr’s column on Foxsports.net will have NO bearing on the credibility of the site and the sports media as a whole.
• Kevin Bacon and Michael Jordan’s decision to do an underwear commercial together will have NO bearing on the amount of homoeroticism jokes made during the 30 seconds it airs.

• Bringing your 5-year-old child to the Meadowlands will have NO bearing on “Herpes” being his show and tell “show” in first grade.
• Eating the microwavable chicken wings from the vending machine will have NO bearing on the fireballs shooting out of your ass later that day that Mario and Luigi would be envious of.
• Drafting Grimace from McDonald’s with your first round pick will have NO bearing on your last place finish in the annual fantasy football league.

• Letting Michael Jackson coach a little league T-Ball team will have NO bearing on “Little” Johnny Thompson’s shooting spree at Disney World 25 years from now.
• Sharing a case of Schlitz with Kerry Collins at your Christmas party will have NO bearing on your lack of a buzz and that mysterious pile of shit in the shower.