An oldie, but a goodie. I particularly enjoy Snarly Chest Hair rationalizing drafting Ken O’Brien over Dan Marino. I always enjoy anything that brings pain to one of New Jersey’s two football teams.

Sweet mother of sanity …

Shit, I’ll admit to being a big Larry Johnson fan. Thanks to his time with the Knicks, I became quite fond of Grandmama and “The Big L” he dropped on teams after drilling a big 3-pointer. I’d bust that move out in college during beer pong, and from time to time I’d rock my LJ jersey that I bought in 8th grade.

But this guy … wow. Where do I even start?

LJ’s self-proclaimed “Biggest Fan” first slithered into the public consciousness with a post on a Knicks forum I frequent. As you’ll notice, he gave us a glimpse into the mind of a madman with all kinds of disturbing Larry Johnson-related information in his posts and pictures. And, if you are a curious soul like I am, you followed the link he provided to his photobucket account. That’s where things got really freaky:

Exhibit A:

Nothing too nutty there. I mean, that’s a lot of game-worn sneakers to own of one player, but whatever floats your boat man. I bet nothing is better than that first whiff of LJ’s foot in the morning. Mmmm … that LJ 1997 vintage really gets the day started right.

Ok, the hour of wearing LJ’s game-worn skivvies on our head is better, but we keep that one a secret …

Exhibits B and C:

Something you’d expect to see in a comic book store or at a convention, but we’ll still give you the benefit of the doubt …

Shit man, another card display? Sweet Jesus. How much room does that take up?

Exhibit D:

Hmmm … a used french fry wrapper. That’s kind of gross. I wonder how many times it has been licked.

Exhibit E:

Was this ad even really worth keeping? LJ’s pictures seems to be chosen just in passing. Does Brother Johnson keep every newspaper clipping that mentions Larry? I bet he points out the name”Larry” or “Johnson” every time it’s used anywhere. “Hey wifey, check it out … Larry ‘The Cable Guy’ is on TV.” “Did you pick up the Johnson and Johnson baby powder?” “I’m inquiring about the position at your company, but I am curious … how many Larrys work there? I need at least three.”

If he doesn’t call his grandmother “Grandmama,” I’d be throroughly shocked.

Exhibit F (The Clincher):

Not sure what that is? Need a closer look? Be prepared …

OK, guy, now you’ve crossed the line. How the fuck did you even obtain this thing? The black market? Why would you even want it? Do you pour it on your balls when you are feeling especially blue?

Exhibit G:

Good god, I think I’m going to be sick …

Exhibit H:

I’m speechless …

I think you’ve seen enough. But, if you want to see more of the — literally — thousands of Larry Johnson trinkets, memorabilia and pubic hair this man has collected over the years, just check out the photobucket link.

And Larry … beware.

Too much of this …

… could lead to this:

PS - I wasn’t going to bag on this guy at first, but the wine thing put me over the edge. Also, he’s not a real Knicks fan, he’s just a Larry Johnson fan and those people plain piss me the fuck off. Who wants to make a bet that this guy has already requested “Larry Johnson’s Biggest Fan” to be enscribed on his tombstone? Kind of sad, no?

Remember that dirty hippie Cubs fan that ran onto the field back on June 25?

Yea, you know the kid, the one that was looking to give Bob Howry a deep tissue massage.

Well, he has pleaded not guilty.

Brent Kowalkoski, 24, pleaded not guilty to two counts of criminal trespass to a public place of amusement, Cook County State’s Attorney’s office spokeswoman Tandra Simonton said.

FF to about 55 seconds. Great angles and even better material for the prosecution.

Jeffery Deskovic is not amused.

At one point in time, the Minnesota Timberwolves were expected to be a future dynasty thanks to a pair of young stars in Kevin Garnett and Stephon Marbury. And those expectations did indeed have promise early on, but Steph bailed on KG via trade during the 1998-99 season. Since then, the two have combined for only two playoff series victories, both coming during Minnesota’s run to the Western Conference Finals with Latrell Sprewell and Sam Cassell in tow.

After being traded to the Nets, Marbury bounced around the league, finally landing back home in New York, and has been generally disliked and spoken of negatively until his recent bout with “the crazy” this offseason:

” If my sense don’t add up to yours, then pay me no mind. Feel me?

That’s over with. I knew Beck since I was young. We were having fun.
I do have one admission. I am high, high off of life.

I drink life’s happy water which is bottled at the divine source.
It goes down much smoother than “haterade.”. How does “haterade” really taste?

I guess we could ask people like Tony who called me a lowlife…and
“islesfan” who said I was drugged up.

Let me ask YOU dudes a question. How would your mother feel if someone put you on blast in all the media and said you were on drugs in front of all your co-workers, your friends and family?”

Jeez, Steph, I just don’t know how to answer that. Gotta wait until I’m put on “blast.”

While his career averages of 20 and 8 are among the best ever for a point guard, Marbury has been saddled with the labels of “loser,” “mope” and “pussyface.” Unfortunately for Marbury, it’s been the truth, he’s never taken a team past the first round of the playoffs despite gaudy numbers and he can be a bit of a “pussyface” from time to time.

With that in mind, interesting is the case of Garnett. He’s being lauded as a savior in Boston, one that could potentially bring the team back to the glory days. But what has he done to earn that distinction? What makes him different than Marbury? Besides putting up incredible stats — like Starbury — KG has never won a damn thing.

It makes you wonder if the basketball gods frowned upon these two for the break-up in Minnesota. Combined, the two could have been something special. I mean, Jesus, just look at the chemistry in these two videos:

Oh, what could have been …

In today’s NY Post, Giants safety Will Demps admits to being faced with “Bimbo Overload” while plowing through the NFL groupie circuit.

I’ve had my share of fun with these types. I’ve flown beautiful women with agendas to big games . . . I’ve wined and dined them at the fanciest restaurants knowing I could’ve shared my bed with three at a time.”

Color me Pollock, but his statement reads an awful bit like, “I’ve flown beautiful women with big vaginas.”

Needless to say, the endless romp has ravaged Demps’ ID, flowering his decision to pass on the ass.

They hang in packs like vultures . . . posed with breasts spilling out of their shirts . . . In the end, I know these women can never fulfill a need beyond my libido.”

I agree.

Big pancake tits and loose vag’s don’t really fulfill a need beyond my flesh rocket either, Will.

However, your fellow train runners and roast beef rompers may not agree.

Here’s what some of your fellow Giants teammates have to say about you laying off the pussy.

“I thought I left all this liberal ‘I’m not shavin’ my pussy’ thought up in Providence.”

“Shit. Looks like I will have to triple up on my pussy eating.”

“PUSSY BUFFET!”

“Will’s gay? I ain’t know if I gon’ feel comfortable with no patch dick mother fucker ’round the locker room.”

*massages groin with bengay** “They just got a taste of the third leg last season. This is just a smokescreen by Will. He’s fifth on the pussy depth chart and he is in denial.”

“I respect A.C. Green’s decision to keep the sanctity of his eden.”

Alas, the NFL is faced with its first case of estrogen, a performance limiting drug.

The University of Maine sucks at hazing.

The softball team, which was recently put on three years probation for such heinous acts as …

The newspaper reported that the photos showed team members apparently drinking alcohol, engaged in cupcake fights, dancing, mugging for the camera and making lewd gestures.

My personal favorite: Dancing.

Kevin Bacon would be in up in arms over this — ready to rebel against the staunch right wing of Bangor.

But, seriosuly, what’s the big fuss? This is O’douls level hazing.

So, join us, as we take you over to the 151 level of hazing.

Ass-to-ass with a 40 ounce metal bat — wait … wait … wait … with Requiem For A Dream playing on a projector … wait … wait … wait … with Jared Leto injecting them with heroine in whatever orifice is available … wait … wait … wait … with the veteran players slaughtering baby cubs and spraying their blood across the room … wait … wait … wait … with the ass-to-assers eating Arby’s roast beef sandwiches and feeding them to their siblings via regurgitation. If they don’t have siblings, they have to loot an orphanage, steal the kids and fucking give them the Clockwork Orange treatment, blasting Jay-Z’s ‘A Hard Knock Life’ while a constant reel of Annie plays on the bald head of a dickless Daddy Warbox manican.

That’s fucking hazing.

Alright, commit me.