Sweet mother of sanity …

Shit, I’ll admit to being a big Larry Johnson fan. Thanks to his time with the Knicks, I became quite fond of Grandmama and “The Big L” he dropped on teams after drilling a big 3-pointer. I’d bust that move out in college during beer pong, and from time to time I’d rock my LJ jersey that I bought in 8th grade.

But this guy … wow. Where do I even start?

LJ’s self-proclaimed “Biggest Fan” first slithered into the public consciousness with a post on a Knicks forum I frequent. As you’ll notice, he gave us a glimpse into the mind of a madman with all kinds of disturbing Larry Johnson-related information in his posts and pictures. And, if you are a curious soul like I am, you followed the link he provided to his photobucket account. That’s where things got really freaky:

Exhibit A:

Nothing too nutty there. I mean, that’s a lot of game-worn sneakers to own of one player, but whatever floats your boat man. I bet nothing is better than that first whiff of LJ’s foot in the morning. Mmmm … that LJ 1997 vintage really gets the day started right.

Ok, the hour of wearing LJ’s game-worn skivvies on our head is better, but we keep that one a secret …

Exhibits B and C:

Something you’d expect to see in a comic book store or at a convention, but we’ll still give you the benefit of the doubt …

Shit man, another card display? Sweet Jesus. How much room does that take up?

Exhibit D:

Hmmm … a used french fry wrapper. That’s kind of gross. I wonder how many times it has been licked.

Exhibit E:

Was this ad even really worth keeping? LJ’s pictures seems to be chosen just in passing. Does Brother Johnson keep every newspaper clipping that mentions Larry? I bet he points out the name”Larry” or “Johnson” every time it’s used anywhere. “Hey wifey, check it out … Larry ‘The Cable Guy’ is on TV.” “Did you pick up the Johnson and Johnson baby powder?” “I’m inquiring about the position at your company, but I am curious … how many Larrys work there? I need at least three.”

If he doesn’t call his grandmother “Grandmama,” I’d be throroughly shocked.

Exhibit F (The Clincher):

Not sure what that is? Need a closer look? Be prepared …

OK, guy, now you’ve crossed the line. How the fuck did you even obtain this thing? The black market? Why would you even want it? Do you pour it on your balls when you are feeling especially blue?

Exhibit G:

Good god, I think I’m going to be sick …

Exhibit H:

I’m speechless …

I think you’ve seen enough. But, if you want to see more of the — literally — thousands of Larry Johnson trinkets, memorabilia and pubic hair this man has collected over the years, just check out the photobucket link.

And Larry … beware.

Too much of this …

… could lead to this:

PS - I wasn’t going to bag on this guy at first, but the wine thing put me over the edge. Also, he’s not a real Knicks fan, he’s just a Larry Johnson fan and those people plain piss me the fuck off. Who wants to make a bet that this guy has already requested “Larry Johnson’s Biggest Fan” to be enscribed on his tombstone? Kind of sad, no?