Sports Illustrated put out a ranking of the 31(2) NFL football stadiums.  It’s pretty comprehensive as it rates things like food, neighborhood, quality of team and tailgating. 

Sadly, the stadium with the best statistical odds of claiming the number 1 spot (Giants Stadium - Home of the New York Giants and the New York Jets) had an average score of 28 out of 31(2).  Ouch.

Too bad “Famous Mobster Conspiracy Theories” wasn’t a category…..they definitely would have had a shot then.

The Baltimore Ravens logo: Ugliest in the NFL? Discuss.

I’ve read off-hand comments over the years questioning why Jacksonville was awarded an NFL franchise in 1993. True, the city’s population is larger than a number of other NFL cities, but college athletics was/is king for the North Florida/Southern Georgia military town.

Who could guess the Jaguars would bow to the inevitability that loyalty by donating $30,000 to Planned Parenthood of Northeast Florida? I’m not sure it’s a wise business model to give money to an organization whose mission is to keep as few new football fans as possible from being born. According to the press release, the Straight Talk grant is for reducing teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Nothing indicates the money is earmarked for abortion procedures, but still. Whose to say that money didn’t purchase a new vacuum cleaner?

Now I think Willis McGahee ended up on the wrong team.

All is not well in Brady land, despite the happy news you may have heard.

With word out of Boston that Tom Brady’s ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan gave birth to a baby boy for him, a nasty rumor has floated around leading people to believe the child is not Brady’s first.

According to sources close to the Drew Bledsoe family, Brady fucked Drew’s career so viciously that — in some bizarro world twist — Bledsoe somehow became pregnant in early 2002.

“It might sound like something straight out of a Hollywood vehicle written for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito, but I assure it is true,” said Dr. Norman Jones, the Bledsoe family physician. “I couldn’t believe it myself … however, the effects of the Mo Lewis hit combined with Brady’s subsequent raping and pillaging of the NFL and Bledsoe’s career had a profund impact on Drew’s mental state. In the end, he felt like a rape victim, and somehow his brain BELIEVED it too, triggering the pregnancy. I don’t know if stranger things have ever happened.”

The child — named “Guy” by Bledsoe — has been hidden away since birth, but an artist’s rendering does exist:

Well, now we know what happens when you cross a cabbagecock with a twatwaffle.

TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!

In a shocking turn of events, Eli Manning fired back at ex-teammate Tiki Barber Tuesday, essentially telling the running back turned opinion machine to stick it where the sun don’t shine.

“I’m not going to lose any sleep about what Tiki has to say,” Manning said before practice at the University at Albany. “I guess I could have questioned his leadership skills last year with calling out the coach and having articles about him retiring in the middle of the season, and (how) he’s lost the heart (to play). As a quarterback you’re reading that your running back has lost the heart to play the game and it’s about the 10th week. I can see that a little bit at times.”

ZING!

Wow. I’m shocked that our little Elizah came out and blasted Barber in that fashion, seemingly coming ever so close to calling him a “traitorous cunt.” Oh, how he has grown. It still seems like yesterday that he was making pig vomit faces at the NFL Draft and wiping the milk off his peach fuzz mustachio.

God that picture makes me nauseous. Fuck it, Eli’s still a schmuck.

An oldie, but a goodie. I particularly enjoy Snarly Chest Hair rationalizing drafting Ken O’Brien over Dan Marino. I always enjoy anything that brings pain to one of New Jersey’s two football teams.

Roger Goodell — musing on the upcoming NFL season and the media hoopla surrounding Mike Vick’s penchant for poor pet ownership — explained that the league will remain a top dog.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell insisted Michael Vick-related news is not eclipsing enthusiasm about the game itself.

“I don’t think it’s overshadowing the season,” Goodell said Thursday after visiting with Detroit Lions coaches and players. “I think our fans are excited about football, but I understand the interest in the story.”

Yea, I agree. People won’t be put off — in the least — because, after all, we are watching 325 lb. men try and destroy each other. We, as Americans, live for this, Mr. Gooddell. Have no fear.

However, if that weren’t the case, and we were suddenly whipped up in a rash of 1960’s revolutionary spirit, Goddell’s words could be equated to the following situations.

Just fill in the blanks … “If the Michael Vick incident will have NO bearing on the NFL’s quest in global domination, then … __________”

• Katrina and the ghosts left behind will have NO bearing on the attendance at Mardi Gras.
• The Buffalo Bills overall poor attendance last season will have NO bearing on the team’s eventual westward move.
• Flavor Flav’s commercially driven masquerade on VH1 will have NO bearing on the opinions of original fans of Public Enemy.

• Ray Allen’s curious situation in Connecticut will have NO bearing on the public’s overall view of New England as a utopia.
• Watching a Phish (if they were still alive) show sober will have NO bearing on the enjoyment of the experience, especially watching Trey’s longing face during his solos.
• Prince’s future antics on stage will have NO bearing on a cooter that was nurtured and worn in during the 1980’s.
• Eric Mangini’s burgeoning star power will have NO bearing on how the New York media judges him in his sophomore season.

• John Sterling’s LSD trips in the 1960’s will continue to have NO bearing on his selection of nicknames for Yankee players.
• Suzyn Waldman’s bowling alley vagina will have NO bearing on her achieving climax.
• Indian Point’s prime location on the serene Hudson River will have NO bearing on the overall quality of life for river folk.
• Hugh Hefners’s flacid, vein cluttered penis will have NO bearing on him being able to please all those thirsty clits.
• Jay Mohr’s column on Foxsports.net will have NO bearing on the credibility of the site and the sports media as a whole.
• Kevin Bacon and Michael Jordan’s decision to do an underwear commercial together will have NO bearing on the amount of homoeroticism jokes made during the 30 seconds it airs.

• Bringing your 5-year-old child to the Meadowlands will have NO bearing on “Herpes” being his show and tell “show” in first grade.
• Eating the microwavable chicken wings from the vending machine will have NO bearing on the fireballs shooting out of your ass later that day that Mario and Luigi would be envious of.
• Drafting Grimace from McDonald’s with your first round pick will have NO bearing on your last place finish in the annual fantasy football league.

• Letting Michael Jackson coach a little league T-Ball team will have NO bearing on “Little” Johnny Thompson’s shooting spree at Disney World 25 years from now.
• Sharing a case of Schlitz with Kerry Collins at your Christmas party will have NO bearing on your lack of a buzz and that mysterious pile of shit in the shower.

In today’s NY Post, Giants safety Will Demps admits to being faced with “Bimbo Overload” while plowing through the NFL groupie circuit.

I’ve had my share of fun with these types. I’ve flown beautiful women with agendas to big games . . . I’ve wined and dined them at the fanciest restaurants knowing I could’ve shared my bed with three at a time.”

Color me Pollock, but his statement reads an awful bit like, “I’ve flown beautiful women with big vaginas.”

Needless to say, the endless romp has ravaged Demps’ ID, flowering his decision to pass on the ass.

They hang in packs like vultures . . . posed with breasts spilling out of their shirts . . . In the end, I know these women can never fulfill a need beyond my libido.”

I agree.

Big pancake tits and loose vag’s don’t really fulfill a need beyond my flesh rocket either, Will.

However, your fellow train runners and roast beef rompers may not agree.

Here’s what some of your fellow Giants teammates have to say about you laying off the pussy.

“I thought I left all this liberal ‘I’m not shavin’ my pussy’ thought up in Providence.”

“Shit. Looks like I will have to triple up on my pussy eating.”

“PUSSY BUFFET!”

“Will’s gay? I ain’t know if I gon’ feel comfortable with no patch dick mother fucker ’round the locker room.”

*massages groin with bengay** “They just got a taste of the third leg last season. This is just a smokescreen by Will. He’s fifth on the pussy depth chart and he is in denial.”

“I respect A.C. Green’s decision to keep the sanctity of his eden.”

Alas, the NFL is faced with its first case of estrogen, a performance limiting drug.