I’ve been a Knicks fan my entire life. I cheered them on through the glory years of Ewing, Rile, Starks, Oakley, Mason, Van Gundy, Houston, LJ, Camby and Sprewell. I cheered them on through the dog days of Layden, Rice, Eisley, Van Horn, Tim Thomas, Marbury, Crawford and Isiah.

Every team has its up and downs. Life is cyclical. Anyone with half a brain knows that what goes up, must come down. So, I’ve been waiting for my Knicks to rise again. Throughout the past few years of mass sucking, I’ve been taunted and ridiculed by fans of other NBA teams. Through it all, I’ve maintained my mantra … “THE KNICKS WILL RISE AGAIN.”

It had to happen. Sometime. It just had to. The Knicks would rise again.

Then, suddenly, the Knicks were 2-1 to begin the 2007-08 season after a dramatic victory over the Nuggets. It had happened. Like a phoenix, the Knickerbockers had risen from the ashes. Ahhh, finally. Time for basketball in New York again.

Ha.

To say things have “changed for the worse” would be more of a gross understatement than saying “John Starks had some motherfucking long-ass balls.” But, the poor situation is not like it has been the past few years. The Knicks have been bad, yet this is something else altogether. It’s an abomination.

The good ship Knickerbocker has been off course, sinking, stuck on the rocks — or whatever boat analogy you want to use — for quite some time now. We’ve become used to it. What’s happening now is beyond disgraceful. Dolan, Isiah, and the rest of these MSG goons are shitting and pissing all over boat. Not only that, they’re disgracing New York as a whole in an entirely new fashion. Losing is something we can take. This? I can’t even comprehend it. What the FUCK is happening here? How can it continue to go on?

Me, I’ve had enough. I’m not going to watch another second, pay another cent, utter another positive syllable about the franchise until its been fucking fumigated. Every night the Knicks play, I hope they get THE FUCKING SHIT KICKED OUT OF THEM. I want booes to reign down on everyone involved. And then I want MSG to become a ghost town. I want this team to play in front of no one at home, with not a soul paying attention.

Tonight, they play the Seattle Sonics, a team with an even worse record than the Knicks. And lord, nothing would make me happier than to have this putrid 5-17 team mop the fucking Garden’s floor with a Knicks team sporting retro Championship season uniforms.

I never thought it would come to this, but I honestly hope the Knicks do not win another game this season. I hate them. I hate them all. Clean the fucking house. Get rid of everybody. Even the young players. They are all infected with Dolan’s cancer. We need an entirely clean slate. We need to get rid of the fat shits and the malcontents. We need to give the decent players a fresh start in the NBA. And then we need to build from scratch.

And if any fucktards out there think this makes me less of a fan, well you’re just a fucking imbeciles that simply don’t get it. I’m a KNICKS fan and that’s WHY I’m not bothering with this joke any longer. This product out on the floor is NOT the New York Knickerbockers. Stop fucking kidding yourself if you support this horseshit. They are wasting valuable seconds of your life when you even think about them for a moment.

So let’s all stop watching, stop attending, stop purchasing and stop supporting this farce in any way or form. Let’s pretend the Knicks are like the Cleveland Browns. They are GONE at the moment. FUCKING GONE. But they will come back. One day, they will.

The Knicks will rise again and we will cheer again.

For now however, it’s time to severe ties.

See you on the other side.

Isiah Thomas shifts his eyes in a deceiving fashion, carefully watching his enemies plot his assassination.

Stephon Marbury blinks, letting darkness engulf his defeated soul.

Renaldo Balkman’s braids yearn to bounce to the tune of another conductor.

Malik Rose dies a little more as sweat pours from his brow.

The Knicks lose to the Celtics, 104-59.

This is the end.

I think I’m falling in love all over again.

In the wake of last night’s exhilarating victory over the Nuggets at MSG, a sense of optimism and let’s face it, pure joy, has found its way into the hearts and souls of New York Knickerbocker fans. I can’t remember the last time I felt this good about these guys.

Of course, the 2007-08 season is a newborn one, and the Knicks are only 2-1, but reasons abound as to why there is actually hope for the immediate future. First off, THANK GOD Zeke did not pull the trigger on a trade that would have sent either David Lee or Renaldo Balkman to the Kings for Ron Artest. Along with Nate Robinson, this trio off the bench is one of the best in the NBA, if not THE best. Certainly No. 1 in energy brough to the table. Balkman was a vision in last night’s game, being referred to as a “fireball” in today’s New York dailies. Although his stat line may not indicate it, Balkman may be more of a reason for the victory than any of the four 20-point scorers — Steph, Craw, Zebo and Curry.

Clearly, Isiah Thomas made the right call when opting to trade Channing Frye as opposed to the other three marquee draft picks from 2005 and 2006. Simply put, Frye was a “pussyface” that brought nothing to the table. Kurt Thomas was never a “great” player when he was with the Knicks, but his toughness, attitude and the “crazy eyes” moniker more than made up for it. Frye essentially replaed KT at the 4, leaving us with a “pussyface” instead of “crazy eyes.” Not a good trade off.

Pussyface lets loose a queef.

Astoundingly, we managed to land Zach Randolph by trading away Pussyface and Steve Francis. Wow. Already, that is looking like the trade of the decade. Zebo has already posted double-doubles in his three games donned in Orange and Blue, and has positively answered any doubts about the effectiveness of the tandem formed with center Eddy Curry. Together, the two have formed a new incarnation of the Natural Disasters.

Mirroring the failure of the WWF’s initial attempt at a Natural Disasters duo, Zeke’s idea of pairing Jerome James and Curry failed miserably. Both were simply too big together, with James acting as the gimp a la Andre “the Giant” at the end of his career. Curry needed another fatboy, just one not as fat as him. Enter Zebo as Typhoon. The analogy fails with Randolph not having been as friendly in Portland as Tugboat, but fuck it, he’s Typhoon with the Knicks now.

It’s just unfortunate that Jimmy Hart isn’t around to drill Jerome James in the knee with a motorcycle helmet.

Kudos to Isiah for tightening the rotation and sticking with the 8-man rotation. Barring any injuries, I don’t want to see anyone besides the troika of Nate, Lee and Balkman entering the game. OK, so Fred Jones (is he just a shrunken Kelvin Cato?) got some playing time, and that’s fine. When Jared Jeffries is healthy, he’ll probably be needed to spell Q at the 3, too. But no one else, and that especially goes for Malik Rose.

I do not — repeat, DO NOT — want to see him ever taking his warm-ups off. I have no idea what he brings to the game (besides his “Toro!” move that gets big men to fall down) and he really has no place or position on the court. PAINT THAT FUCKING WARM-UP ON LIKE IT’S THE SI SWIMSUIT ISSUE!

That is all for now … Viva Los Knickerbockers!

Discuss with ZubazPants.com …

Time for an update on James Dolan and the pussy handlers at MSG.

James Dolan — otherwise known as the new king of smut — and the MSG empire have released some footage from the ‘Making of the New York City Dancers’ documentary.

MSG, who have grown tired of airing their 50 greatest moments — in the once hallowed halls — of Madison Square Garden, have resorted to selling their only viable product … ASS.

Believe it or not, there was actually a time when you had to get into the Garden to get a sneak peek at Patrick Ewing’s hoes. But now, since the Knicks are resigned to having Zen Marbury as their headstrong leader, the focus has gone from inside the arena to the television set, where they will attempt to keep you cumming back for more with their own special brand of skin-emax.

Now, I’m not completely against this. It’s tits and ass. Not too big of a stretch for the ape man in all of us. However, seeing that these chicks are making DIRT each game — my estimate is $75 — and are being exploited as a product — which is far more aesthetically pleasing than what is being displayed on the court — is just wrong.

I guess, what it comes down to, is that the Knicks — as a professional basketball team — cannot hold a candle to the ass that shakes during halftime and timeouts.

It is a sad day to be a Knicks fan. Not only are women being used in Dolan’s attempts at deflecting attention off the rotting corpse that is the Knicks, but we, as men, are being teased with ass to subvert the real heart of the matter.

In short: James Dolan has created a peep show for hollowed out Knicks fans, who, by god’s grace, still have balls after being pummeled in them repeatedly throughout the years.

At one point in time, the Minnesota Timberwolves were expected to be a future dynasty thanks to a pair of young stars in Kevin Garnett and Stephon Marbury. And those expectations did indeed have promise early on, but Steph bailed on KG via trade during the 1998-99 season. Since then, the two have combined for only two playoff series victories, both coming during Minnesota’s run to the Western Conference Finals with Latrell Sprewell and Sam Cassell in tow.

After being traded to the Nets, Marbury bounced around the league, finally landing back home in New York, and has been generally disliked and spoken of negatively until his recent bout with “the crazy” this offseason:

” If my sense don’t add up to yours, then pay me no mind. Feel me?

That’s over with. I knew Beck since I was young. We were having fun.
I do have one admission. I am high, high off of life.

I drink life’s happy water which is bottled at the divine source.
It goes down much smoother than “haterade.”. How does “haterade” really taste?

I guess we could ask people like Tony who called me a lowlife…and
“islesfan” who said I was drugged up.

Let me ask YOU dudes a question. How would your mother feel if someone put you on blast in all the media and said you were on drugs in front of all your co-workers, your friends and family?”

Jeez, Steph, I just don’t know how to answer that. Gotta wait until I’m put on “blast.”

While his career averages of 20 and 8 are among the best ever for a point guard, Marbury has been saddled with the labels of “loser,” “mope” and “pussyface.” Unfortunately for Marbury, it’s been the truth, he’s never taken a team past the first round of the playoffs despite gaudy numbers and he can be a bit of a “pussyface” from time to time.

With that in mind, interesting is the case of Garnett. He’s being lauded as a savior in Boston, one that could potentially bring the team back to the glory days. But what has he done to earn that distinction? What makes him different than Marbury? Besides putting up incredible stats — like Starbury — KG has never won a damn thing.

It makes you wonder if the basketball gods frowned upon these two for the break-up in Minnesota. Combined, the two could have been something special. I mean, Jesus, just look at the chemistry in these two videos:

Oh, what could have been …

Remember the times of slut-astic NYC? The good ol’ toothless hookers humming around the street corners, smut shops dealing out ass-to-ass reels and Walt Clyde Frazier, pimp slapping.

Well, fast forward to 2007, and leave it to James Dolan to go old school on us.

He — along with msg.com — has created has created a show based around the Knicks City Dancer’s tryout process. Young asses of future Pacman victims Broadway talent flaunt it, shake it and fight for the right to be the first home wrecker of the 2007 season.

Yes, folks, MSG.com has joined the ranks of dumpstersluts.com, bunnyteens.com and Bangbros.com.

Somewhere, James Dolan is kneeling in front of a giant portrait of Larry Flynt.

[MSG.com]