The University of Maine sucks at hazing.

The softball team, which was recently put on three years probation for such heinous acts as …

The newspaper reported that the photos showed team members apparently drinking alcohol, engaged in cupcake fights, dancing, mugging for the camera and making lewd gestures.

My personal favorite: Dancing.

Kevin Bacon would be in up in arms over this — ready to rebel against the staunch right wing of Bangor.

But, seriosuly, what’s the big fuss? This is O’douls level hazing.

So, join us, as we take you over to the 151 level of hazing.

Ass-to-ass with a 40 ounce metal bat — wait … wait … wait … with Requiem For A Dream playing on a projector … wait … wait … wait … with Jared Leto injecting them with heroine in whatever orifice is available … wait … wait … wait … with the veteran players slaughtering baby cubs and spraying their blood across the room … wait … wait … wait … with the ass-to-assers eating Arby’s roast beef sandwiches and feeding them to their siblings via regurgitation. If they don’t have siblings, they have to loot an orphanage, steal the kids and fucking give them the Clockwork Orange treatment, blasting Jay-Z’s ‘A Hard Knock Life’ while a constant reel of Annie plays on the bald head of a dickless Daddy Warbox manican.

That’s fucking hazing.

Alright, commit me.