All is not well in Brady land, despite the happy news you may have heard.

With word out of Boston that Tom Brady’s ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan gave birth to a baby boy for him, a nasty rumor has floated around leading people to believe the child is not Brady’s first.

According to sources close to the Drew Bledsoe family, Brady fucked Drew’s career so viciously that — in some bizarro world twist — Bledsoe somehow became pregnant in early 2002.

“It might sound like something straight out of a Hollywood vehicle written for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito, but I assure it is true,” said Dr. Norman Jones, the Bledsoe family physician. “I couldn’t believe it myself … however, the effects of the Mo Lewis hit combined with Brady’s subsequent raping and pillaging of the NFL and Bledsoe’s career had a profund impact on Drew’s mental state. In the end, he felt like a rape victim, and somehow his brain BELIEVED it too, triggering the pregnancy. I don’t know if stranger things have ever happened.”

The child — named “Guy” by Bledsoe — has been hidden away since birth, but an artist’s rendering does exist:

Well, now we know what happens when you cross a cabbagecock with a twatwaffle.

Using the current lack of bosses in the office to my advantage, I headed over to the local oil change place about an hour ago to fix my car up good. While there, SportsCenter was concluding and something I’ve never seen before started up at 1 p.m., the 2007 WSSA(R) World Sport Stacking Championships.

For a second, I thought the oil change place had spiked the complimentary coffee with acid, but I was wrong. People had actually gathered together in Malibu to STACK PLASTIC CUPS. Thousands of people. Stacking plastic cups. Crying when they lost. Wearing gold medals when they “won.” One even had the audacity to call himself the “Santana Moss” of Sport Stacking.

I know what you must be thinking. “Jimbuktu, surely you jest.” But, I shit you not. These fucksticks are for real:

Generally, I loathe people that argue over what is and what is not “a sport.” “Who gives a fucking shit?” is generally my comment when someone asks me whether I think cheerleading or poker should be considered a sporting endeavor.

But this … good god. This is the gayest shit I’ve ever seen.