In the now infamous flip out by Christoper Berman-berg — he’s Jewish! — the ESPN anchor threw around Jesus’ name at will.
The tirade also included another word closely associated with Jesus: “fuck.”
So, have fun with this video of Berman throwing a little bit of this kinda moxy into NFL Countdown.
Maybe it will spark him to be a little more creative, who really knows though? This is basically on par with Dana Jacobson now.
JESUS!
Based on Will Leitch’s “God Save The Fan,” this video depicts 24 hours of ESPN watching.
Be careful.
You have been forewarned . . .
Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well.
It’s kind of becoming passe to bag on ESPN these days, but man, ESPN.com’s current homepage just gave me a ripping headache after looking at it for five seconds.
And it’s not the usual Skip Bayless retardocity or Scoop Jackson skullfuckery that caused my migraine. No, it’s just exceptionally boring.
First, you’ve got the incredible news going on the sports world right now (not exactly their fault, but mind-numbing nonetheless):
- Baseball forms investigation unit to probe drug use
- Owens practices again, says ’see you Sunday’
- Simpson back to Vegas, accused of violating terms
- Bradshaw questions Romo’s getaway with Jessica
- Sources: USC’s Carroll, Falcons still in discussion
- Kent advocates blood testing to catch MLB doping
- U.S. skating champ Bowman found dead at motel
- Sources: Brewers reach 1-year deal with Cameron
- Ovechkin fills out East roster | Whopper contract
- Globetrotters to retire Curly Neal’s No. 22 jersey
Uh oh! Ovechkin endorses the Whopper! Mike Cameron signs a 1-year deal! Male figure skater found dead! Aside from scumfuck Terrell Owens reading his own press, I highly doubt any of these links have been clicked on once.
Alright, I’ll admit I clicked on the Bradshaw-Romo-Simpson link, but only because I read the names first and hoped for a possible three-way image on the other end of it. That would have been HOT!
If you scroll further down ESPN’s home page, you’ll find an image that inspires one’s soul like the above does to one’s schnitz.
It brings warmth to my heart …
Tears to my eyes …
Smiles to the faces of children …
And peace to the world …
It’s none other than …
Gene Wojciechowski!
Fucking christ, has anyone ever in the history of life clicked on an article next to this guy’s name? Excluding his moms, of course? Dude needs to spice that headshot up a bit, don’t ya think? This is fucking ESPN! Where are the lasers and flames in the background? I’m willing to bet that if ESPN slapped a Cyclops-like visor on ol’ Wojo here, they’d have the next Bill Simmons in terms of clicks. That would be badass!
Rounding out the wild mediocrity is something Deadspin needles ESPN for daily. The featured comment. Today’s has to be the lowest of the low:
“One team … that is playing great basketball right now is the Cleveland State Vikings.”
Are you FUCKING kidding me? Who fucking hand-picked that doozy?! Reading it out loud makes one sound like a fucking robot alien from Nebular XJ-27. What the fuck, can they at least have the decency to choose comments penned by actual Earthlings and not Robots just beginning to learn English?
Christ.
Man, ESPN just needs to take a note from CNNSI and slap some Marissa Miller on their home page to spice things up a bit …
Pseudo-NWS:
Scoop, the polar opposite of Daniel Pearl, wrote a column about Michael Jordan on November 6 for ESPN’S Page 2.
Well, you could call it a column, or you could call it what it really is: fellatio
I didn’t think it was possible, but Scoop actually deep throated with words.
Ever think that someone would tell you to “wait” before you walked onto the United Center floor? With the arena dark, except for the lights coming from the Jumbotron, which surprisingly has your name on it? Ever think you’d hear the same synthesized music that MJ heard before almost every home game he played in — the drums beneath that sound, the Ray Clay voice — but your name would be called out instead of his?
“Aaaand nowwww, from ESPN.com …”
Ever think that you’d be standing on the United Center floor, bouncing up and down, waiting for your “teammates” to be called out to join you? “From Slam magazine …” “From Hoops …” “From Dime …” “From Men’s Fitness …” Ever think that when they introduced the coaches, the gods of sneaker design — Tinker Hatfield and Mark Smith — would run out of the tunnel? Ever think, after they’d come out — high and low-fiving everyone — that the music would stop, then start again, then … “From North CAROLINA …”
Scoop’s vivid imagery and tone is reminiscent of Truman Capote.
He really captures the essence of what it means to be like Mike.
Unfortunately, the ESPN Page 2 readership didn’t want to participate in a gang bang.
Here are some the comments:
