Now raise your hand if you are gay.

No offense, but it must be so hard to be a Celtic fan right now.

All those put down articles about how overrated Pierce, Garnett, and Allen are. I mean, it’s gotta suck to have that. You gave up so much, the future is gone. So long 2015 championship.

This is what Boston’s offseason looked like:

But wait that sucks. Because the Celts traded Nintendo games to the Sonics for Ray Allen and the T’Wolves got half your bench. A bench that paved the way to a 14-68 season last year.

That was last year, it’s 2007 and the Celtics are playing like the Dream Team. The only team in their way is the Spurs, and that’s like a million months away right now. And Tim Duncan is just a right ankle sprain away from an early Spurs playoff exit.

A Duncan injury would open the door for the Denver Nuggets, who will be this year’s uninvited guest to the Finals, the way the Rockies crashed their way to a World Series raping.

But yeah, it’s bad for this guy right here. This guy right here typing away is a Knicks fan. Where the only headlines are for sex, murder, and mayhem!

Watching the Knicks is like watching foil in the microwave.

But back to the Celtics. They are piledriving their way through the competition. And the worst part is Garnett only likes to score eight points a game now just to rub it in. He doesn’t even play 4th quarters. He’s popping the champagne after every game.

They also have the St. Patrick’s Day Parade. K.G. is living it up.

It gives so much hope though that one of my teams could go from virgins to champions in one year.

Until then I’ll continue to watch the Starbury Microwave sold at Steve and Barry’s for $6.49.

Yes there have been some huge blunders in the NBA. The most obvious is Sam Bowie being drafted over Michael Jordan, Wilt Chamberlain being dealt, and whoever thought it was a good idea to name their kid Dickey Simpkins.

But what about now? What about the past 15 years? How different would the NBA have be today if the Bulls decided not to trade Elton Brand, Ron Artest, and Brad Miller? And how about Dirk Nowitzki’s locks blowing in the Milwaukee wind. Instead the Bucks sent him to Dallas for Tractor Traylor. True story.

Chris Webber

The Magic thought that scowl would scare the kids

Chris Webber is still around today and pretty much any team can have him. But about 15 years ago the Orlando Magic drafted him and were ready to pair him with Shaquille O’Neal before swapping him with Anfernee “Penny” Hardaway.

Can you for a minute imagine the damage those two would have inflicted on a conference that included skinny Cavaliers, unlucky Celtics, and a Derrick Coleman lead Nets. Shaq and Webber vs. Mark Price and Danny Ferry. WOW! Can you say slaughter house?

Yes at the time of the trade it looked fair, I mean Penny and Shaq did reach the Finals once, but guards are a dime a dozen. Big guys that can score, board, and wear a headband are rare.

Webber was eventually traded from the Warriors to the Bullets who managed to also mess that up. But we won’t get into that since the Bullets no longer exist.

Jason Kidd

I don’t know what’s worse, the trade, or the hair.

Not too long ago Jason Kidd AND Steve Nash were on the same team. Yea I know, ridiculous. The Suns are notorious for finding hidden gems. Dan Majerle, Cedric Ceballos, and Shawn Marion.

What’s even more ridiculous is that they traded Kidd. What’s even more crazier than that, they got Stephon Marbury in return!

Kidd may have had his problems with wife beating, but on the court he was pimp slapping the competition. For a while the Suns had a pretty athletic roster that included Kidd, Marion, Hardaway, and Gugliotta.

Injuries ultimately cost them a chance to have a decent shot at winning any playoff series. But if they kept that core together, never parted with McDyess, and with Amare Stoudemire in the rear view mirror, you have a dam good squad.

It’s hard to argue though because Phoenix is one of the elite teams in the league right now. And more than likely would have beaten the Spurs this year had it not been for the refs having money on the series.

Kobe Bryant

This might be the only card ever of an NBA player wearing sunglasses in it. More reasons to hate Kobe

Kobe and the Lakers. Go together like Tommy Lee and an STD. The real question is though, would Kobe be this famous had he stayed with the Charlotte Hornets, the team that drafted Kobe?

Kobe was spoiled right off the bat when he said he will only play for the L.A. Lakers. The Hornets gave in and traded Kobe before he ever played a game for them. In return the Hornets aquired the fabulous Vlade Divac.

What is it with athletes these days? Demanding to play for a certain team. If i were the Hornets GM I would have kept him and told him to play or sit out. How great would that be if Kobe sat out his first 3 years?

The Hornets already had a pretty decent roster going with Anthony Mason, Glen Rice, and potentially Kobe. And if he stayed with the Hornets that whole thing in Denver never happens.

I mean who knows, maybe Mason would have kept Kobe in line. Maybe Kobe would rock the teal jersey like so many 7th grade girls rocked the Hornets Starter jackets. Maybe we would have actually like Kobe.

Yea right.

At one point in time, the Minnesota Timberwolves were expected to be a future dynasty thanks to a pair of young stars in Kevin Garnett and Stephon Marbury. And those expectations did indeed have promise early on, but Steph bailed on KG via trade during the 1998-99 season. Since then, the two have combined for only two playoff series victories, both coming during Minnesota’s run to the Western Conference Finals with Latrell Sprewell and Sam Cassell in tow.

After being traded to the Nets, Marbury bounced around the league, finally landing back home in New York, and has been generally disliked and spoken of negatively until his recent bout with “the crazy” this offseason:

” If my sense don’t add up to yours, then pay me no mind. Feel me?

That’s over with. I knew Beck since I was young. We were having fun.
I do have one admission. I am high, high off of life.

I drink life’s happy water which is bottled at the divine source.
It goes down much smoother than “haterade.”. How does “haterade” really taste?

I guess we could ask people like Tony who called me a lowlife…and
“islesfan” who said I was drugged up.

Let me ask YOU dudes a question. How would your mother feel if someone put you on blast in all the media and said you were on drugs in front of all your co-workers, your friends and family?”

Jeez, Steph, I just don’t know how to answer that. Gotta wait until I’m put on “blast.”

While his career averages of 20 and 8 are among the best ever for a point guard, Marbury has been saddled with the labels of “loser,” “mope” and “pussyface.” Unfortunately for Marbury, it’s been the truth, he’s never taken a team past the first round of the playoffs despite gaudy numbers and he can be a bit of a “pussyface” from time to time.

With that in mind, interesting is the case of Garnett. He’s being lauded as a savior in Boston, one that could potentially bring the team back to the glory days. But what has he done to earn that distinction? What makes him different than Marbury? Besides putting up incredible stats — like Starbury — KG has never won a damn thing.

It makes you wonder if the basketball gods frowned upon these two for the break-up in Minnesota. Combined, the two could have been something special. I mean, Jesus, just look at the chemistry in these two videos:

Oh, what could have been …