Sorry I haven’t written in a while, but hey, I was busy winning Most Valuable Player Awards. Someone around here has to win something.

So this is the last season at Yankee Stadium. It’s great to be a part of, cause even if we suck the fans will still come for the gimmick year. Pride, Power, Pinstripes was last year’s saying. Lifes a Beach is this years motto.

Also part of my new contract entitles me to 30 DL days, gotta use them or lose them.

So what do I think fo the new guys?

They suck, all of them. Especially Morgan Ensberg.

First day he comes up I tell him to hold my bats for me during batting practice, and he fucking pretended not to speak to Spanish.

I said, “Hey amigo, chop chop, ¡Andale! ¡Andale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba!”

Then I realized I wasn’t speaking to Alberto Gonzales, the infield utility guy.

It was Morgan. What baseball player has that name anyway?

I thought I was getting a water girl when I saw that name on the roster text I got from D2J, Derek Jeter.

Aight I gotta go get ready to go out, Latroy Hawkins snuck a bottle into the clubhouse cause he heard the game might be rained out, so I’ve been wasted since noon.

Then I took a nap in the trainers room. Just told Girardi I was resting my knee, or quad, or whatever it was.

Before I go, check out this glossy photo I got of Shane Spencer from a few years back! Man he was so gay, Manny Ramirez sent this to me Opening Day.

Manny you so crazy.

Alex’s A-vice for the Week:

“Always swing for the homer, even if you fail, there’s always the next at-bat”

Chow