The Fave Five: 2003 Draft.

 

 Those funnier than ever commercials staring Dwayne Wade and Charles Barkley. Barkley accidentally proposing in one, Wade shrinking a lollipop in his mouth in another, and Barkley constantly Wade kicking out of his Fave Five.

 And you know what else is funny.

 How an entire sports league can change face in one day. A day when the league isn’t even playing games. Except the joke is on New York who can never get their hands on one of these guys.

 This was the draft Dwayne Wade moon walked to number 4. Let alone Charles Barkley’s Fave Five, he barely made the NBA’s Top 5.

 How different would the league be if a few teams could go back and draft differently? I know the Pistons wonder that question sometimes. But really the only question that day in June should have been, Wade or Melo?

 That should have been Darko’s nickname…The Question. Because why would anyone pick him second? That would be his number too.

What happens to Darko?! Read on to find out!

 
Let’s start at #2 since even Isiah Thomas would have taken LeBron James at #1 had the Knicks rigged the draft.

 Pick #2, The Detroit Pistons.

 What the ef?

 I know you just won the championship weeks earlier, but that was no reason to mail in your lotto pick. Were you guys rubbing it in? You are so good you can draft whoever the fuck you want, you ain’t got time for that kinda stuff.

Somebody have too much to smoke before tipoff?

 
Well how did that work out for ya?

 Picture Chris Bosh tag teaming the front line with the Big Bad Nasty Afro Wearing Tattooed Wallace cousins, almost like a mini gang within a team. They would have been the original Big 3, not Boston.

 However in this draft they don’t select Bosh either, they take Carmelo Anthony and totally rub out Rip. Carmelo makes the Pistons unstoppable and they dominate the East for years winning 2 more championships.

Carmelo and LaLa.

 See he would have fit right in with Detroit. You think him and Sheed could have baked out a whole plane together?

 The possibilities we were sheeded of.

 

Pick #3, The Devner Nuggets.

 The Heat don’t rise to power because with the 3^rd pick the Nuggets, having just been Melo’ed by the Pistons, settle for Dwayne Wade.

Him and Camby get tattoos together every month

 
Dwayne fills the hole that was meant for Carmelo Anthony teaming with Kenyon Martin, Camby, Nene, and Andre Miller. That’s not only a great basketball team, it would have won you fantasy basketball back then.

 They even dropped the gay pride logo for something much more heterosexual.

Looks like the symbol for the Gay Mafia

 Soon down the line Nene and a package of others get sent to Minnesota for Kevin Garnett. The very next day Andre Miller is traded to Seattle for Ray Allen. One year the Nuggets sneak a championship in, but then they just become filler after that.

 This is the eventual Big 3 that would terrorize the first half of the 2007-08 season, then all get arthritis by the times playoffs come. Eventually getting bounced out by the Atlanta Hawks.

 Red Sox Nation is falling down.

 Maybe. Probably not though.

 
Pick #4, The Miami Heat

 Miami picks next and Pat Riley foams at the mouth when he sees who just fell into his lap, Chris Bosh. Team this guy with Lamar Odom & Caron Butler and watch it grow. cha-cha-cha-CHIA!

 Pat Riley will grow a point guard in his basement, or maybe suit up himself, and badda bing you got yourself a team. Maybe not good enough to win a title from anyone….yet.

 So this leaves the last Five Fave.

 
Pick #5, The Toronto Raptors

 Darko Milicic and the fucking Toronto Raptors. A match made in heaven.

 A tall skinny white international player and Canada. You couldn’t set this up better if you were Roger Clemens at a Jose Canseco steroid BBQ.

 With absolutely no pressure from the Toronto Maple Leaf Times, Darko arrived like Pacman at the strip joint. He made noise.

 Darko starts an International-Amercian war inside the NBA. He recruits all the top international player to come play for the Raptors. All of a sudden you got Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki, Tony Parker, and Yao Ming. America is fucked. It’s worse than Rocky IV, because this is real life.

 Eventually every franchise moves to Canada, re-naming the league to CBA (why?) and the NBA becomes a lost memory like the ABA.

 Michael Jordan is forgotten and isn’t even worth a Canadian dollar soon. Darko becomes the heir to Wayne Gretzsky as Canada’s New Golden Boy. Prince Darko.

 Now that is a top 5.

 If only the Pistons hadn’t ef’ed it all up.

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