Being a big tattooed monster with the inner core of a goose-feathered teddy bear can really go along way in America. Jason Giambi, who won’t be punished by MLB for his involvement with steroids, is a prime example of this.

Jason Giambi escaped punishment from commissioner Bud Selig on Thursday because of the Yankee slugger’s charitable work and cooperation with baseball’s steroids investigator.

“He’s doing a lot of public-service work, and I think that’s terribly important,” Selig said. “He was, I thought, very frank and candid with Sen. Mitchell, at least that was the senator’s conclusion. Given everything, this is an appropriate decision.”

Wow.

Jason Giambi wakes up in the morning, greases his hair, hugs a couple of weakened children, donates some money, bullshits with a senator about his brilliant acting in The Bronx Is Burning, and he’s cleared of it all.

Barry Bonds would have to give birth to a band of traveling Mother Theresa’s out of his dick head and shit out the clone of Bill Clinton — at the same time — to escape the ire of Selig.

Giambi — causing the eye make-up on a thousand emo souls to run in the streets — proves that being a nice guy does pay off.

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 16th, 2007 at 7:57 pm and is filed under Steroids, Yankees, baseball. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.