So I was at the dentist the other day.
I absolutely dread going to the dentist.
Not necessarily because I have bad teeth problems or anything, more just the creepiness of everything being so damn sterile in there.

Anyways, we got to the end of the cleaning and it was apparently obvious that I…do not floss. I came right out and admitted to not flossing. I’m a steady 2-3 times a day brusher and mouth-washer as well, but flossing just is not my thing.

That’s when something even stranger happened.
The dentist tried to persuade me into flossing by saying:
“You wouldn’t take a shower without cleaning between your toes right? Well it’s the same thing with your teeth.”

That took me by surprise. I love showers…LOVE’EM. I also Consider myself a pretty clean person too. But shit…I don’t ACTIVELY take the time to clean between my toes when I shower. They’re right there sopping up all the soap and water from the rest of the washing…I didn’t think they needed their own attention.

Now I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong here and have been a filthy animal all this time.
So I raise the question to you Zubaz readers: Do you purposely clean between your toes?

This past weekend I had the pleasure of inhaling one of the greasiest and slimiest burgers up in Albany, NY at a place called Five Guys. (When I use the word “slimiest” it is not a bad thing, I promise you.)

This thing was LOADED. Cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, sauteed onions, ketchup, mustard, hot sauce. The regular fries were too much to finish on top of this madness.

I’m not a man of many words, so I will leave you with this semi-decent cellphone picture I took that night.

Harry Houdini, David Copperfield, George W. Bush…when it comes to deception, these men are amongst the greatest of all time.  But when it comes to being the master of using deception in order to create the greatest of illusions, they can’t hang with the common, run of the mill, fat tub-o-lard.

Everyday, right before our very eyes, countless fat men attempt a staggering feat of deception so grand, the likes of which haven’t been seen since wanksta’s tried to convince society that neck tattoos are an appropriate way to show unbridled love for someone.

What I am referring to is the self-management of the fat man jaw line. 

You don’t have to be Tony Little to realize that the chubbier you get, the more your flabby skin and gooey fat deposits engulf your bones and natural body curves, including the jaw line.  However, instead of embracing this, or maybe using this as motivation to hit the Thighmaster and Soloplex, many fat men go in a furrier direction.  Instead, they attempt to disguise their gluttonous face and trick the world into thinking they are petite by growing one of the worst facial hair monstrosities of all time, the chin strap. 

Here is Big Pun representing the fatty nation.

Maybe it’s to help them think they aren’t as gargantuan as they really are.  Maybe it’s to save what little pride and self-esteem they may have.  Maybe it’s because their face plumps up so large they don’t have enough razor to shave that big of a surface area.

Regardless of the reason, one thing is for sure…they aren’t fooling anyone but themselves.  We know the edge of the chin strap isn’t your jaw line.  We know that your jaw line is actually deep underneath that thigh of a mandible.  Hell, we may even know what you had for lunch since it’s caught in that pubic hair you call a beard.

Just do yourself and all of us a favor.  Shave it off. We see right through that gimmick.  And really, it’s ok to be fat.  I for one do not care, and I will not judge you based solely on your weight. Well, unless you can’t see your dick.  If that’s the case, then I won’t lie…I am judging you.  But generally speaking, just embrace your look and be proud of who you are.  But if you can’t and you insist on having a jaw line, hit the gym, not the Mach 3.