It’s September 1, 2004, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and rain is falling from a heavy sky. What do you want me to do? I don’t really have a choice…it’s time for Fall semester 2004 here at Virginia Tech. Set in the lovely redneck town of Blacksburg, Virginia, it is the one and only thing that pulls the town together. Hokies of all type, from strollers to jazzys, can all come together for one thing…the start of the NCAA season to watch their team dominate (at least for the first few games) the opposition.

As I run back and forth to the bookstore maxing out all my credit cards on three textbooks, the team is only a few hundred yards away from me getting ready to tackle their first opponent of the season. The controversially No. 1 ranked USC. Only the damned Trojans are in their own damn private gym with an indoor turf field and all other pimped out shit.

Either way there is nothing like the feeling of buzzing by the stadium on my way to West End, our local delicious campus eatery, to see all of the construction they are doing to the stadium. They have plans to develop the stadium into an immense structure fit for the gods, but meanwhile the whole damn team can barely keep their asses out of the hands of the law. That is not to say they don’t have potential, but having just joined the ACC, the competition is fierce. Not to mention last years ferocious losses at the season’s end to WVU and UVA…our two most hated rivals.

I’m here to tell the team to FOCUS DAMN IT, FOCUS!!!

It’s like they don’t have an idea that the world goes on around them.

Key Example 1 – Marcus Vick

I heard rumors that Marcus Vick, suspended VT QB and brother of all-star Falcons QB Michael Vick, might be in strong contentions if not the overall winner of the “Heisfuck Award” to be offered this year for the first time.

As you would expect like everybody else did, being the brother of all-time famous Michael Vick, the younger Vick would excel in all aspects that Michael was able to, and that our coaching staff would be able to push him to be exponentially better. So, all summer coach Beamer and his men \ kept giving reports back to the sports writers that Vick and Brian Randall, senior QB for VT, were both in contentions for the starting spot. Randall was no Vick, but he was pretty nasty at times and way more reliable that Marcus proved to be in any games or even scrimmages.

Anyways, blah, blah, blah, expectations were high and then all of a sudden…

!BANG!

I pickup an issue of the “Collegeiate Times” our school newspaper, only to see Marcus’ face on the cover next to the words “Police Custody” and “Arrested.” I read the article word for word … and even continued on to the jump page when I read “…see Vick page 4”. It turns out that Mr. Hot Shot Vick raped a 14-year old girl whom he served alcohol to along with her two other 15-year-old friends.

Yikes.

The shit hits the fan here though. When the girls told the cops and they searched his apartment, the moron did nothing to hide his ass. The cops took away as evidence the following. Pictures from his digital camera, condom wrappers, bed sheets and things of that nature…and of course, all of these items did end up pointing to him.

Now imagine this guy, he’s got it made. His brother Michael is an amazing quarterback who made a large enough sum to buy him a pimped the fuck out H2. Spinners, system, the works. This is the car he uses to drive to the other parking garage on campus to pick up his Lexus and he uses that to drive to practice.

If I had that kind of luxury, you’d see me on my mink and chinchilla fur couch and a life size bag of Frito’s shouting profanity at such television shows as “Gilligan's Island,” “Showtime Rotisserie Infomercial (set it and….FORGET IT),” and even Mark Summers’ “Food Unwrapped.”

Do you know why I would do this though? Because I wouldn’t give a shit, it wouldn’t matter. I have more money from my brother than I could imagine. I would do anything I wanted.

EXCEPT RAPING A GIRL!

This sounds obvious, but not to Marcus, this boggled his brain.

So he blew his chances at an astounding life. He could have been famous, not just another name in the crowd but one that sticks out from the rest, like the bagel bites theme song (“Pizza in the morning….Pizza in the evening….Pizza…at suppertime…when pizzas on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime!”)

Alright let’s make my long story that I made longer and longer, short. Marcus was suspended from the team as well as the school for the year after being pulled over a few months after the allegations on a local road. He was caught speeding over the limit by like 15 mph and when the cops came over to the car they saw he was stoned to the bone and found his stash. God, I could add pages of ranting here but I will hold off.

The USC game arrives

So the game is here and no more worries of QB’s sharing time. Forget sharing, Randall now has to do it all on his own.

The game was held in FED-EX Field in Landover, Maryland on a beautiful night and you couldn’t have asked for a better Hokie turnout. Something like more than 80 percent of the people out of the 91,665 in attendance were Hokie fans. GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE, we were pumped and ready to go.

USC wins the toss and defers to the second half. Hokies get the ball to start the half. A mighty task is ahead of them and they handled the first quarter like men. Reggie Bush proved his athleticism for So. Cal early on scoring a TD on a 35-yard pass from Matt Leinart, putting the Trojans ahead by 7.

Bush came out from behind the scenes this game and proved that he is going to be a big part of the team this year. He had five catches for the game totaling 127 yards and three of them ended in touchdowns. This soon was followed by a VT field goal by a real standout in comparison to last year’s kicker, Brandon Pace, a red shirt sophomore from Virginia Beach, VA. That was how the first quarter would end, 7 -3. In a game that was predicted to have the largest point spread in NCAA history, the Hokies only trailed by four points.

The start of the second half was just an eruption, fans in all directions up on their feet screaming for the close-behind Hokies to take the lead.

And they did just that. In the final minutes of the half, the Hokies’ Josh Hyman caught a 12-yard TD pass to put the Hokies up 10-7 at the end of the half. We were UP…at halftime…do you hear me…UP! It was like a Thanksgiving dinner…all gravy baby (I know that was bad, but I was excited). The Hokies were proving everyone wrong, but they still had a whole ‘nother half against the No. 1 ranked Trojans, and the Hokies are known for blowing it in the clutch.

The third quarter rolls around and the Hokies are looking as if they could pull it off. The announcers are going crazy along with the fans. The momentum is just on their side, and then it snaps.

As if the momentum were a giant switch that only the refs can flip. VT was on a great drive, and Randall hocks one up for a looooong gain. The catch is made, but Hyman is called for an offensive pass interference and 4th down causes the Hokies to punt the ball away. The crowd boos, the announcer boos, and I throw fucking salsa at the TV. The call was sooo bogus, blatantly not pass interference, anyone could tell you that.

From here was just a hopeless cause, as if Simba from Lion King were to turn around when he’s running from the stampede and try to take them all 1-on-1, 30’s style boxing.

Enough is enough, I’m sick of telling the story but we lose 24 -13. Still not too shabby, but to lose the game due to a call is just perv.

The Hokies looked good though I will have to admit. Fuck Marcus, we don’t need him. He sold out to the “Pimp My Ride” & “MTV Cribs” lifestyle only to show his true ragamuffin lifestyle.

I feel bad to use the excuse that USC is the No.1 ranked team and it was our first game of the season, but I feel they are valid points here. We are looking good for an unranked team. SI has us as the #38 spot of 50 teams to keep an eye on…wheeeeee. I think we are better than that and I think this is the season we will prove it. To dampen these dreams, our starting linebacker Xavier Adibi will miss the rest of the season after having surgery done to attach the tendon in his right bicep due to an injury from the USC game. Damn, another one bites the dust.

So, here I am today, mourning the loss of at least some respected Hokies and cursing at many players (cough…Marcus…cough) who blew their chances for the most inexcusable reasons. But like I have any say, it’s up to Beamer and the rest of the staff to get their players asses in friggin’ line. If anything, do it for us, so I can be in the stands eating my gigantic turkey leg, completely hammered, chanting “H-O-K-I-E-S!” and jingling my keys on 3rd down “key plays.”

Do it for us.

Ehhh, whatever happens, I’m glad that this is only the beginning of the season.

Questions? Comments? Fresh Baked Goodies? Send an e-mail over to: TENNI_C_JED@yahoo.com