Go Away Progressive Insurance Chick
Never have I felt this much contempt for a person that exists only on my television set.
Welcome…
I guess, in a way, you could call this Zubaz 4.0. There is nothing fancy about the site these days. Just some thoughts from the usual group of people over at ZubazPants.com, as well as the same forum.
We felt there might be some things we need to get off our chest, whether it be about [...]
See you in DeschanHELL Ben Gibbard!
A true tale of beauty and the beast.
Why do all the good ones fall for the indie rocker dude these days?
Movie Review: The Dark Knight
Let’s take a look at what The Dark Knight could have been:
Robin galore. Batman takes Robin under his cape and mentors him. Batman raises the young child and is always there for him even during that rainy summer night when Robin discovered his first pubic hair at age 27. When Batman finally thinks Robin is [...]
Grand Theft Auto IV
The Hollywood Asshole is a huge fan of the Grand Theft Auto series. For months and months, I have been waiting for GTA IV. I bought a PS3 and an HDTV mainly for this game. I took off work when the game was released. It has been a little over a month since the game hit [...]
A-Rod is back!
Sorry I haven’t written in a while, but hey, I was busy winning Most Valuable Player Awards. Someone around here has to win something.
So this is the last season at Yankee Stadium. It’s great to be a part of, cause even if we suck the fans will still come for the gimmick year. Pride, Power, [...]
The Buzz Is Louder Than The Sting (or something)
This video is simple.
It is audio of Buzz Bissinger ranting and raving about !BLOGS! on the HBO show Costas Now, which featured Deadspin’s Will Leitch.
Bob Dylan’s “Positively 4th Street”plays beneath the flames.
The background clips show the evolution of mass media.
Not surprisingly, we used Wikipedia to hammer out the time line.
Get a glimpse into the eye [...]
Movie Reviews
Prom Night: Want to see a truly scary movie? Prom Night is the perfect choice. Want to piss your underwear/diaper in terror? There’s dialogue so terrible and wooden it’s spooky!
“You guys look soooooOOOooOO pretty! Haha!”
Ahhhhh! It’s scary. Do old people freak you out? Prom Night has high schoolers that make the old-timers from Beverly Hills [...]
Seven Heaven
We knew.
We’ve been talking about it for a long time.
At least since February.
That this year’s NBA playoffs would be the best in the history of the NBA.
We may end up being wrong, but so far it’s been fun to watch.
The Hornets are about to knock out the Mavericks, which many fans would consider an upset. [...]
Ho, Look What You Done Did…
She’s 15.
She took some Vanity Fair pictures.
Before that, she took some MySpace picture.
She’s gonna be a ho… if she isn’t already.
Someone needs to punch her right in the cooter and find a way to get rid of her, because her and her baby teeth make me angry.
Captain Panaka - The Negative Nancy of Star Wars
After watching Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace for the 20th time and hating it for the 20th time, I realize all my hate just doesn’t lie with Jar-Jar Binks, Jake Lloyd, the baffling plot, the stilted acting from most of the cast and the Jewish, Chinese and Jamaican stereotypes implanted into certain alien species. As [...]
Ron Weasley: Hero
Rupert Grint, the ginger kid…well, I guess ginger man, who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies, has become awesome in The Hollywood Asshole’s eyes after he was quoted saying this, “”I met Lindsay (Lohan) last summer and she talked about herself a lot. She said she was going to win an Oscar before she [...]
Enough With The Rivalry, Fat Boy
Yankees vs. Red Sox might be the most over-dramatized rivalry in the history of sport.
“I believe that a rivalry this intense can only be compared to the Athenians and the Spartans,” YES broadcaster Ken Singleton said with a stern expression on his face.
All right, Kenny.
But when YES carted this fat boy out to try and [...]
David Cone: “He gets jerked off.”
Cone gets filthy!
And we ain’t talking about Ian Kennedy’s “stuff.”
If it was Farnsworth getting jerked off, the whole bleachers would have gotten a Peter North-esque bath.
Racing? NINE!
I hate car racing; there’s just something about it that seems to bring out the worst in a society. In America, that means mullets, Coors Light, Southerners, rejoicing in gas consumption, hysteric nationalism, and bountiful harvests of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell.
In Europe, that means, well…
Few scandals in recent years have provoked [...]
Remember This Face
The AP spotted him on April 3 at Yankee Stadium.
YES spotted him on April 7 at Yankee Stadium.
This kid has some pretty sweet seats above the dugout.
There’s no need to take any shots at the little guy, I mean I’m just jealous of his seats.
All I can say is: Whatever happened to the perve photographers [...]
Major League Marlins
Tom Berringer’s hair raising speech in Major League combined with the latin flare of Hanley Ramirez.
Imagine Mr. Loria’s private parts being revealed cardboard-piece-by-piece!
¡Aye de Mi!
Billy Wagner: “You Can’t Pull Fat”
Billy boy gave some insightful analysis after Pedro Martinez went down with a deteriorated ass-to-knee muscle.
We got a nice little clip of Billy’s eloquent quote.
Then we took the liberties of making him into the greatest wool loading MC the world has ever seen.
Enjoy.
Guido Hernandez
Keith threw on his skintight Miami duds last night and strapped Jesus’ fuckin’ balls around his neck.
Keith said Jesus wanted the fucking humid air on his balls.
This is what else he had to say . . .
Fuck you, you fucking fuck of a fuck.
I’ll fuck your wife in the fucking dugout with Pedro’s half-cent-black-market fucking [...]
Disasterpiece: Riki-Oh
Starting with this post, a new column on the blog will be dedicated to movies so terribly bad that they actually end up being more entertaining than most other films around. First, let’s take a look at…
Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky.
A 1991 action film from Hong Kong which had a very limited run in the [...]
Homemade Movie Trailer: Horton Hears a Joker
I mashed up two of the trailers for Horton Hears a Who and combined it with the trailer for The Dark Knight creating Horton Hears a Joker.
Homemade Movie Trailer: Mama Zohan
I edited the trailers for the Adam Sandler movie Don’t Mess With The Zohan and mashed it up with the trailer for the Pierce Brosnan music Mama Mia.
Movie Reviews: Horton Hears a Who! & Drillbit Taylor
Horton Hears a Who: This is first and probably last time I’ll ever give a movie starring an elephant (sorry Operation Dumbo Drop 2) a good review with the exception of the possible prequel Horton Hatches an Egg. But, a good rating for this film is rightfully deserved. Beyond the fact that the voice acting [...]
Movie Reviews: 21 & Run Fat Boy Run
21: There’s nothing quite like a book written about a true story turned into a movie with characters and important parts of the story completely changed. Why keep the exciting original story when you can make it a movie full of predictable plot turns and boring characters?
Follow the journey of the unlikable main character (and [...]
This fucking guy …
Fucking a, Packer’s commentating sounds like my commentating when I used to play with fucking WWF action figures in elementary school. “Mreh Mreh Mreh” is all I fucking hear.